It was easier for us to decide that my husband would stay home because 1 he didn't LOVE his career 2 I could easily make up his income 3 we knew of a few other Stay-At-Home-Dads that he admired and took notes from 4 I'm EM so my schedule can be awkward and the kids needed some stability.
Area is Phoenix. We have an aupair and grandparents help out. The price gouging is ridiculous. Great idea for a thread. Will be following along. The White Coat Investor. We spend a ton. But most of it is on the costs associated with a bigger house, bigger cars, saving for college, food, their activities, their travel when we go on vacation together etc. Really hard to add it all up. Now, could those expenses be dramatically reduced?
Helping those who wear the white coat get a fair shake on Wall Street since In my case, the early years of child care and summer day camps were replaced with lessons, private school, away summer camp, and lots of kid-friendly vacations. My 18 year old son with private school tuition and car insurance costs more per year than the OP's three small ones combined.
I think that things might get a little less expensive when the kids go off to school public , but even then, new costs are added-- sports, music lessons, etc. Should diminish when public school starts and when s are done. With kids you spend as much or as little as you want. Unless we are talking about childcare which is just ridiculous. We just went from 1 to 2 kids.
The 8 year old is in public school and I only work while he is in school. So no real child care costs there. He plays tennis, soccer, and does skiing and iceskating. But only 1 or 2 sports at a time. And then he has piano or guitar and choir or art. And then I spend more than I should on clothes for him.
So I'd guess we spend about 4k on him each year. The baby is cheap- breastfeeding, cloth diapers, hand me downs, and 3 hours of babysitting per week. When he's 2 he'll go to montessori school, 1k per month, until he goes to public school. So still not too bad. But paying more for montessori school than I did for medical school! The White Coat Investor wrote:. Click to expand Moderately hcol inland California suburb. Doesn't seem like they'll get any cheaper as time goes on We are a 2 physician family as well and I realized early on that the cost will never go down and will almost certainly go up for a variety of reasons.
The biggest is that we cannot avoid some type of childcare expense until our kids are able to drive. We are switching to an au pair next summer after we move so those costs should go down a bit. We have a third car for nanny use since car seats don't fit in their cars and one of our nannies was a stickler about any dirt, ding in the door, etc and it wasn't cheap to reimburse for her mileage.
Oh, and we got sick of moving car seats around! Honda Odyssey, bought one a few years old, financed at a low rate since student loans are being aggressively paid off and are a higher interest rate. A to Z Teacher Stuff Forums. Joined: Apr 18, Messages: 3, Likes Received: 0. Feb 20, I just came across this article in Time Magazine and found it pretty interesting. Here is the link to the article.
AMK , Feb 20, Feb 20, I just realized if you don't have AOL you can't view the entire article. Joined: Apr 4, Messages: 6, Likes Received: 0. Feb 20, It asks for a subscription or login to time. Interesting article Joined: Jul 15, Messages: 57 Likes Received: 0. Feb 20, Why teachers hate parents Just wanted to say that as teachers we can get feisty with parents, but I have to tell this story Please forgive me My friend called the other night to describe her son's day at preschool.
He is four years old and just entered the preschool atmosphere. He is a sweet kid who was lucky to have doting grandparents to care for him, but they put their child in daycare for the socialization aspect. The teacher has reamed out my friend because her four year old could not hold a pencil properly on the first day. Also they wanted him spelling and writing his name within the first week.
Am I wrong or is this too much to expect from a child who has been in daycare for a week or two? I think it is ridiculous, any thoughts would be appreciated This attitude makes parents hate preschool teachers or so I would think.
Joined: Jun 22, Messages: 2, Likes Received: 0. Feb 20, That article made me shake my head. I wanted the best for my son when he was in school, but I never did some of the stuff mentioned there. I dealt with teachers who didn't want me involved, I will say that. I'd ask if this or that would help with his ADHD issues and I'd get told that was already thought of, like they thought I was cute or something.
In high school i wasn't even consulted most times, so I gave up. Now with my four year old, I will say this- it seems like all the other parents think their kid is the best at whatever class it is. You cannot watch the swimming lessons easily because all the other moms are pressed up at the window to watch their kid. At ballet the camcorder was the thing. Right now I'm the only parent that brings something to read instead of keeping an eye on the class the entire time.
What makes some parents like that? We all want our kids to do their best, get the best, have a good life. Why does it have to be a competition? I was watching the news tonight and there was a story about hiring tutors to teach your two and three year olds. The word 'competition' came up too often for my comfort. It was the parents who were using it, talking about the competition for the best schools, giving your child the best edge.
Give me homeschooling any day. I'm glad to be out of the rat race and away from the hatefulness. Joined: Aug 5, Messages: 3, Likes Received: Feb 21, Are you assuming that you won't encounter any hatefulness or competition among homeschoolers? Probably too much to count on. Missy , Feb 21, Feb 21, I had a parent one year who made me cringe. She verbally attacked me during a meeting and thought I was picking on her child she also looked like she was going to hit me.
There were problems with her in the past with other teachers who I wasnt surprised but very upset. Whenever she would enter the school the office would call me to let me know. Literally I would hide from this lady. When I would talk to her she would say something mean and awful to me and then something nice, I couldn't figure her out. AMK , Feb 21, Feb 21, Homeschooling is a whole different ballgame, so no I don't expect any hatefulness at all.
You do see some who think they know it all where h. Feb 21, Becky, I guess the homeschoolers I know have had different experiences. All of them have left hsing groups or co-ops due to competitive parents, mean-spiritedness, etc. I hope you have better luck.
Feb 21, Oh, I'll be aware of that. I've already been dismissed when asking for advice. Some h. Joined: Jul 19, Messages: 5, Likes Received: Feb 21, Will someone who can get the full article just cut and paste the whole thing on here? I tried the bugmenot but the TIME login page wouldn't pull up. SpecialPreskoo , Feb 21, Feb 21, You got it, Lori. Posted Sunday, February 13, If you could walk past the teachers' lounge and listen in, what sorts of stories would you hear?
An Iowa high school counselor gets a call from a parent protesting the C her child received on an assignment. When she started teaching 31 years ago, she says, "I could make objective observations about my kids without parents getting offended.
But now we handle parents a lot more delicately. We handle children a lot more delicately. They feel good about themselves for no reason. We've given them this cotton-candy sense of self with no basis in reality. We don't emphasize what's best for the greater good of society or even the classroom. But then the day comes when we are expected to hand them over to a stranger standing at the head of a room full of bright colors and small chairs. Well aware of the difference a great teacher can make—and the damage a bad teacher can do—parents turn over their kids and hope.
Please handle with care. Please don't let my children get lost. They're breakable. And precious. Oh, but push them hard and don't let up, and make sure they get into Harvard. But if parents are searching for the perfect teacher, teachers are looking for the ideal parent, a partner but not a pest, engaged but not obsessed, with a sense of perspective and patience. And somehow just at the moment when the experts all say the parent-teacher alliance is more important than ever, it is also becoming harder to manage.
At a time when competition is rising and resources are strained, when battles over testing and accountability force schools to adjust their priorities, when cell phones and e-mail speed up the information flow and all kinds of private ghosts and public quarrels creep into the parent-teacher conference, it's harder for both sides to step back and breathe deeply and look at the goals they share.
Ask teachers about the best part of their job, and most will say how much they love working with kids. Ask them about the most demanding part, and they will say dealing with parents. In fact, a new study finds that of all the challenges they face, new teachers rank handling parents at the top. According to preliminary results from the MetLife Survey of the American Teacher, made available exclusively to TIME, parent management was a bigger struggle than finding enough funding or maintaining discipline or enduring the toils of testing.
Even master teachers who love their work, says Harvard education professor Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, call this "the most treacherous part of their jobs. Leaving aside the monster parents who seem to have been born to torment the teacher, even "good" parents can have bad days when their virtues exceed their boundaries: the eager parent who pushes too hard, the protective parent who defends the cheater, the homework helper who takes over, the tireless advocate who loses sight of the fact that there are other kids in the class too.
That's it, plain and simple. To watch their boys eat lunch? I ask. Yes, they tell me emphatically. At that moment, a group of lounging seniors spot their mothers coming their way. One of them approaches his mother, his hands forming an approximation of a crucifix. You've got to go home. Teachers strive to be dispassionate, objective professionals, as their training requires them to be. Throw in all the suspicions born of class and race and personal experience, a culture that praises teachers freely but pays them poorly, a generation taught to question authority and a political climate that argues for holding schools ever more accountable for how kids perform, and it is a miracle that parents and teachers get along as well as they do.
Now you can't walk into schools, public or private, without tripping over parents in the halls. They volunteer as library aides and reading coaches and Mentor Moms, supplement the physical-education offerings with yoga and kickboxing, sponsor faculty-appreciation lunches and fund-raising barbecues, supervise field trips and road games and father-daughter service projects. Even the heads of boarding schools report that some parents are moving to live closer to their child's school so that they can be on hand and go to all the games.
As budgets shrink and educational demands grow, that extra army of helpers can be a godsend to strapped schools. But parents, it turns out, have a learning curve of their own. Parents who are a welcome presence in elementary school as library helpers need to learn a different role for junior high and another for high school as their children's needs evolve.
Teachers talk about "helicopter parents," who hover over the school at all times, waiting to drop in at the least sign of trouble. Given these unsettled times, if parents feel less in control of their own lives, they try to control what they can, which means everything from swooping down at the first bad grade to demanding a good 12 inches of squishy rubber under the jungle gym so that anyone who falls will bounce right back.
They're going to defend that cub no matter what, and they don't always think rationally. If I can remember that, it defuses the situation. It's not about me. It's not about attacking our system. It's about a parent trying to do the best for their child. That helps keep the personal junk out of the way. I don't get so emotional. As children get older, the parents may need to pull back.
He goes to weekend ball games and piano recitals in an effort to bond with families but also tries to show parents that there is a line that shouldn't be crossed. So in my class, parents' involvement is limited," he says. High schools, meanwhile, find themselves fending off parents who expect instant responses to every e-mail; who request a change of teacher because of "poor chemistry" when the real issue is that the child is getting a poor grade; who seek out a doctor who will proclaim their child "exceptionally bright but with a learning difference" that requires extra time for testing; who insist that their child take five Advanced Placement classes, play three varsity sports, perform in the school orchestra and be in student government—and then complain that kids are stressed out because the school doesn't do enough to prevent scheduling conflicts.
Teachers just shake their heads as they see parents so obsessed with getting their child into a good college that they don't ask whether it's the right one for the child's particular interests and needs. And what if kids grow so accustomed to these interventions that they miss out on lessons in self-reliance? Mara Sapon-Shevin, an education professor at Syracuse University, has had college students tell her they were late for class because their mothers didn't call to wake them up that morning.
She has had students call their parents from the classroom on a cell phone to complain about a low grade and then pass the phone over to her, in the middle of class, because the parent wanted to intervene. And she has had parents say they are paying a lot of money for their child's education and imply that anything but an A is an unacceptable return on their investment.
These parents are not serving their children well, Sapon-Shevin argues. Your kid gets drunk, they throw up, feel like crap—that's a good lesson. They don't study for an exam, fail it and learn that next time they should study. Or not return the library book and have to pay the fine. But when you have a kid leave their bike out, it gets run over and rusty, and you say, 'O.
And despite all she sees and all she does, she says, "I feel powerless there. Feb 21, Time article, ct'd Parents understandably argue that there is a good reason to keep a close watch if their child is one of kids in a grade level. Teachers freely admit it's impossible to create individual teaching programs for 30 children in a class. That's a shoe that will pinch for someone.
Some educators argue that you can agree on the goals of accountability and achievement, but given the inequalities in the system, not all schools have the means to achieve them. Families feel they have to work the system. Attentive parents study the faculty like stock tables, looking for the best performer and then lobbying to get their kids into that teacher's class.
We e-mail, volunteer on a weekly basis. I ask a lot of questions," she says. The teachers are the experts. We've had such great experiences with the teacher because we create that experience, because we're involved. We don't just get something home and say, 'What's this? That's hyperbole. But it's a two-edged sword here, and unfortunately it's cutting to the other side, and parents are making demands on us that are unreasonable. Yeah, they're concerned about their kids.
But I'm concerned about kids. I don't have time during the day to let the parent know when the kid got the first B. Beneath the ferocious jostling there is the brutal fact that outside of Lake Wobegon, not all children are above average. Teachers must choose their words carefully. They can't just say, "I'm sorry your child's not as smart as X," and no parent wants to hear that there are five other kids in the class who are a lot smarter than his or hers.
Younger teachers especially can be overwhelmed by parents who announce on the first day of school that their child is going to be the smartest in the class and on the second day that he is already bored. Veteran teachers have learned to come back with data in hand to show parents who boast that their child scored in the 99th percentile on some aptitude test that 40 other students in the class did just as well.
It would be nice if parents and teachers could work together to improve the system for everyone, but human nature can get in the way. Both sides know that resources are limited, and all kinds of factors play into how they are allocated—including whose elbows are sharpest.
Many schools, fearful of "bright flight," the mass departure of high-achieving kids, feel they have no choice but to appease the most outspoken parents. They basically attend to the most vocal, powerful people with more resources. They say, 'Don't get angry. We'll take care of this issue. We'll get your kid out of the class with the bad teacher and leave the other kids in there. Parents who instantly call about a grade or score seldom ask about what is being taught or how. When a teacher has spent the whole summer brightening and deepening the history curriculum for her ninth-graders, finding new ways to surprise and engage them, it is frustrating to encounter parents whose only focus is on test scores.
But "we have pushy parents pushing for the wrong thing. Kohn knows a college counselor hired by parents to help "package" their child, who had perfect board scores and a wonderful grade-point average. When it was time to work on the college essay, the counselor said, "Let's start with a book you read outside of school that really made a difference in your life. Then the child responded, "Why would I read a book if I didn't have to?
But try telling that to an Ivy-educated mom and dad whose kids aren't doing well. It can't be the genes, Mom and Dad conclude, so it must be the school. They want us to do it, and discover we can't either. In his dreams, admits Daddow, the Iowa history teacher, what he would like to say is "Your son or daughter is very, very lazy.
Research shows that though students benefit modestly from having parents involved at school, what happens at home matters much more. According to research based on the National Education Longitudinal Study, a sample of nearly 25, eighth-graders, among four main areas of parental involvement home discussion, home supervision, school communication and school participation , home discussion was the most strongly related to academic achievement.
Any partnership requires that both sides do their part. Teachers say that here again, parents can have double standards: Push hard, but not too hard; maintain discipline, but don't punish my child. When teachers tell a parent that a child needs to be reprimanded at home, teachers say they often get the response, "I don't reprimand, and don't tell me how to raise my child. Some talk about the "dry-cleaner parents" who drop their rambunctious kids off in the morning and expect them to be returned at the end of the day all clean and proper and practically sealed in plastic.
At the most disturbing extreme are the parents who like to talk about values but routinely undermine them. That's O. Mom will take the fall. Late for class? Blame it on Dad. Parents have sued schools that expelled kids for cheating, on the grounds that teachers had left the exams out on a desk and made them too easy to steal.
A C means you're a loser. Teacher flunks her. Feb 21, Time article Teachers try to explain that good kids can make bad decisions; the challenge is to make sure the kids learn from them. Student-teacher disputes can quickly escalate into legal challenges or the threat of them. The fear of litigation that has given rise to the practice of defensive medicine prompts educators to practice defensive teaching.
According to Forrest T. Jones Inc. She has learned that everything must be documented. She does not dare accuse a student of cheating, for instance, without evidence, including eyewitness accounts or a paper trail. When a teacher meets with a student alone, the door always has to be open to avoid any suspicion of inappropriate behavior on the teacher's part.
In less affluent districts, many parents don't have computers at home, so schools go to some lengths to make contact easier. Even 20 minutes twice a year for a conference can be hard for families if parents are working long hours at multiple jobs or have to take three buses to get to the school.
Some teachers visit a parent's workplace on a Saturday or help arrange language classes for parents to help with communication. Particularly since a great goal of education is to level the playing field, teachers are worried that the families that need the most support are least able to ask for it. When parents don't get involved at school, teachers may see it as a sign of indifference, of not valuing education—when it may signal the reverse.
Some cultures believe strongly that school and home should be separate spheres; parents would no more interfere with the way a teacher teaches than with the way a surgeon operates. Middle-class parents are far less respectful.
They're not a teacher, but they could have been a teacher, and often their profession has a higher status than teachers'. So they are much more likely to criticize teachers on professional grounds. Middle-class black parents, especially those who attended segregated schools, often approach the teacher with caution.
Since teachers want parents to be positive and supportive, when African-American parents express concerns about racial insensitivity, it can create problems in their relationship. This is an arena where parents are often as concerned about content as grades, as in the debate over creationism vs.
Teachers say they have to become legal scholars to protect themselves in a climate where students have "rights. Perhaps the most complicated part of the conversation—beyond all the issues of race and class and culture, the growing pressures to succeed and arguments over how success should be defined—is the problem of memory. When they meet in that conference, parent and teacher bring their own school experiences with them—what went right and wrong, what they missed.
They are determined for it to be different for the child they both care about. They go into that first-grade room and sit in the small chairs and can easily be small again themselves. It is so tempting to use the child's prospects to address their own regrets. So teachers learn to choose their words with care and hope that they can build a partnership with parents that works to everyone's advantage and comes at no one's expense.
And parents over time may realize that when it comes to their children, they still have much to learn. He winces at parents who treat their child as a cocktail-party trophy or a vanity sticker for the window of their SUV, but he also understands their behavior.
This does not bring out the better angels of our natures, but it is understandable, and it is forgivable. Feb 21, WOW But I asked for it! I'm printing that up. I wish all parents could read that article. Thanks Emily!!! Feb 21, Haha Guess I shoulda warned ya it would be long, but I though I could fit it all in Joined: Jun 27, Messages: 6, Likes Received: ChristyF , Feb 21, Joined: Aug 12, Messages: 7, Likes Received: 1.
Feb 21, I find it hard to believe a Preschool teacher acting in that manner would still have a job. She obviously needs to go back to school or find a new career. That is absolutely AWFUL and I would go to great lengths to report her to the proper people before she ruins anymore little children's love for learning.
Grammy Teacher , Feb 21, Joined: Feb 10, Messages: 31 Likes Received: 0. Feb 21, Hello Teachers Just wanted to let you know that this mom was eager to read the article and am so glad I did. You definately have more to deal with than I ever imagined! Thank you for all you do, deal with and for being there for our kids. Blessings, Dana. Dana3 , Feb 21, Feb 21, I am a Preschool teacher and deal with many parents who are divorced.
Not only do I have to deal with their sweet child who is devastated by mommy and daddy not living with them together as a family, but I have to deal with the parents belittling one another and watch them compete to be the most popular parent with the child.
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|Sports betting forum newsletters for preschool||It gets very frustrating. Jones Inc. Feb soccer betting pro, Becky, I guess the homeschoolers I know have had different experiences. Needless to say we won't make our goal around the room. But most of it is on the costs associated with a bigger house, bigger cars, saving for college, food, their activities, their travel when we go on vacation together etc. When there is a very tricky situation our head of school meets with the teacher and the parent s. At parent conference she told me I must be talking about someone else because her son was "dumb as post, he couldn't do work like that".|
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|Double bitcoins in 100 hours nyan||Box Missoula, MT My son has special needs so we need to communicate daily and I dread checking my e-mail because I hate responding via e-mail. Teachers say that here again, parents can have double handicap betting rugby league Push hard, but not too hard; maintain discipline, but don't punish my child. I wanted the best for my son when he was in school, but I never did some of the stuff mentioned there. ATLANTA AP — A bill that would legalize sports betting in Georgia and give tax revenue to the state lottery is in advancing in the state House, despite questions about whether a state constitutional amendment would be required to do so. CeCeMar 20, I do have a life of my own.|
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